Boycott Mark, Day 2

After Mark and I stopped speaking, I began to see his behavior from a different perspective. Everything I had previously regarded with a shrug and a "That's Mark," I've now had to re-evaluate.

Yes, I know I started this blog with the idea that I'd write about my roommate's kooky behavior. But really, now that I observe him with, if you will, a more objective distance, I have started to see him less as a "funny guy" and more as unhygienic, antisocial, and worse.

This latest candid shot should be able to tell more than my mere words can express.

Scab, Artist or Scam Artist?

As many of you know, Tim is waging an unfair embargo against Mark for the simple offense of not having asked how his day was. Not only is it fickle, but it also smacks of a 90s made-for-tv movie starring that dude who played Balki on Perfect Strangers. I refuse to respect Tim's picket-line and will therefore continue to write about my erstwhile number two and newly-crowned number one friend Mark.

Who, incidentally, called me the other day.

Mark: Hey, Anthony. I left some leftovers out on the table. Can you put them away for me?

Anthony: I threw them away.

Mark: WHAT?! That was steak!

Mark's Mom in the Background: He threw it away?!

Anthony: It was sitting out in the living room for three days. You can't eat it.

Mark: My mom says it will still be good.

Anthony: Mark, I know you love your mother, but you can't eat meat that has been at room temperature for three days.

Mark's Brother in the Background: Is it still in the trash?

Mark: Is it still in the trash?

Anthony: I'm not pulling a three-day-old steak out of the trash, Mark.

Mark: Ooooo man! You're killing me.

Anthony: We're done here, Mark. And remind your Mom to send all of her dirty pictures to my gmail account, NOT my work email.

Boycott Mark, Day 1

As you read in the last post, Mark has hurt me. Deeply. I have since embarked on an absolute embargo against Mark. I will not speak to him. I will not make eye contact with him. Only after I have denied him the fruits of my friendship will he see the error of his ways and ask forgiveness.

Look at him. Sitting there, oblivious to the hurt that he has caused. Like a big bully.

A big bully who randomly breaks out into song.

Why I hate Mark

"Tim, how about an update?" Mark asked me.

"Well," I said, pausing to think for a moment. "I guess you could say that I've been in a pretty bad mood all day. I had a dream about my ex-girlfriend, and when I woke up I was covered in sweat. My heart was racing, my hands were shaking, I was angry and disoriented..."

"No," Mark replied. "I meant an update to the blog. How about you update the blog?"


!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THANKS, MARK, FOR BEING SO GOD-DAMNED CONSIDERATE! YOU ARE THE WORST FRIEND EVER!!!

AND YOUR FACE IS CREEPY!!!!

Now I'm going off to make some camomile tea and listen to Burial.